Am I ready?

We are here to witness the creation and abet it. We are here to notice each thing so each thing gets noticed. Together we notice not only each mountain shadow and each stone on the beach but, especially, we notice the beautiful faces and complex natures of each other. We are here to bring to consciousness the beauty and power that are around us and to praise the people who are here with us. We witness our generation and our times. We watch the weather. Otherwise, creation would be playing to an empty house.

According to the second law of thermodynamics, things fall apart. Structures disintegrate. Buckminster Fuller hinted at a reason we are here: By creating things, by thinking up new combinations, we counteract this flow of entropy. We make new structures, new wholeness, so the universe comes out even. A shepherd on a hilltop who looks at a mess of stars and thinks, ‘There’s a hunter, a plow, a fish,’ is making mental connections that have as much real force in the universe as the very fires in those stars themselves...Annie Dillard, with thanks to David Lose.

.Am I ready? If you wonder whether my bags are packed and the house is cleaned and have I dealt with all my anxieties...well, pretty much. I'm realistic. There is undoubtedly too much of one thing and not enough of another. I do want my ducks in a row. And it is a sure thing one of them will be waddling out of line.

But what does it take to be ready? I mean, isn't 'ready' a state of mind? A willingness to be present to what pops up in front of us? Is it something we can go looking for?

Actually, I've not planned as much as I usually do. I'll have five weeks in Florence, so what is really important to me is the open time, the wandering time, the paying-attention time. In my application for the grant I kept coming back to the line from Eliot's "Little Gidding," "You are not here to verify,
                                                                              Instruct yourself, or inform curiosity
                                                                              Or carry report. You are here to kneel
                                                                               where prayer has been valid."

I know I'll have to keep reminding myself that this time I'm not a tourist (though of course I'm a tourist! We are all tourists except for where we live.) but a pilgrim. I chose Florence because it is the birthplace of the Renaissance and because of all the art. And needless to say, we'll spend plenty of time in the museums and churches, but I'm going to be looking for what is off the beaten path, for what is not reproduced on post cards. And I'm going to be looking with my journal, my blog, and my camera.

I love what Dillard says about creation playing to an empty house. I'm not going to Florence to absorb it as much as to converse with it. I'm sure Florence will go on unscathed by my presence, but I have something to bring to it as well, years and experience and my own quirky way of seeing things. And the blog is my way of bringing you into the conversation as well.  We are all creators and co-creators. I'm so eager to be open to this incredible experience. So the answer is yes, I'm ready.